Submission is a difficult subject in our day. Even such conservatives as Dr. Laura reject the idea of submission as a "slave mentality." Plainly we live in a very different culture than the apostles did.

But the point of what Peter is saying is the same in every time and place.

What is submission? Peter enjoins submission three times in this section (2:13-3:6). Christians are to be subject to the emperor and other rulers. Slaves are to be subject to their masters. Wives are to be subject to their husbands. Does submission mean the same thing in all three cases? In one sense, yes. You must be willing to suffer for the sake of Christ in all three situations.

The word "likewise" suggests that there is a fundamental similarity between these three. All three were intended by God to be good. The state was intended by God to praise the good and punish the wicked. The master/servant relation was intended to be good, as the master is to reflect the kindness of God in his treatment of his servants. The marriage relation was intended to reflect the love of God for his people. But all three have been perverted by sin: despotism and tyranny in the state; cruelty and oppression in master/servant relations; abuse and infidelity in marriage. Peter is saying that the Christian must remember the purpose of these various institutions, and live according to that purpose--even when the culture has forgotten it. Because in each of these arenas, God is still in control. And those who trust in him have the confidence that he will turn all things to his glory and our good. Even our suffering in these areas will result in being conformed to the likeness of Christ.

There is a second way in which these submissions are similar. In none of them is your conscience bound to obey their authority. We saw that the Christian subject is free. Your conscience is not bound by the laws of the land. But Peter warns us not to use our freedom as a cover-up for evil. Your practice should generally conform to the laws of the land, so that the magistrate will reward you for doing good. When I say that your conscience is not bound, I am speaking of the sort of thing that Paul says in 1 Cor 10, when he says that a Christian can eat anything, even food sacrificed to idols. But, he warns, if you are told that the food was sacrificed to idols, then do not partake--for the sake of conscience; not yours, of course--you know that an idol is nothing--but the conscience of the one who told you. As children of the King, the whole of creation is yours. No mere human law can bind your conscience. But, since we are temporary sojourners in this world, we should respect the laws of the land in order to avoid causing unnecessary offense.

And servants should suffer patiently under unjust masters as imitators of Christ, trusting in the judgment of God to vindicate them.

Likewise, to wives of unbelieving husbands, those who "do not obey the word," Peter tells them to submit patiently. The command to submit is given to all wives (v1), but the main focus is upon those with unbelieving husbands. And again the emphasis is upon conduct. All the talk in the world is not going to persuade a man. It is through life. [Give example] Peter is speaking to a Roman world that gave husbands absolute authority over their wives. And since we have said that submission to the state looks somewhat different in a republican form of government which allows us to vote and petition for change, and since we have seen submission to masters looks somewhat different in a free market economy, which allows us to change jobs if we don't like our boss, it should not surprise anyone that submission to your husband looks somewhat different in a day where you can legally avoid being beaten and thrashed!

The command is the same. The application may look somewhat different.

The command is the same. Submission does not bind your conscience. If your husband tells you to do something that God forbids, you must politely refrain. And if he is a Christian, you may also need to bring the matter up with the elders. The Christian church has historically been one of the best places for women, because Christianity in principle rejects a double standard for men and women. In many cultures, a man can do pretty much whatever he wants, but if the woman fails to do her part, he can divorce her (or worse). But the church, because of the teaching of Scripture, has rejected this. Men and women alike are held to the high standard of the Word of God. There are innumerable instances in the history of the Reformed churches where women have brought charges against their husbands for big ticket items like adultery or desertion--but also wife-beating, financial mismanagement, or even failing to do his marital duty! Submission to a Christian husband means that you must report him to the elders if he is stubbornly and impenitently breaking his marriage vows. (Repentance means more than just saying "I'll never do it again.")

In case you have some trouble with this, look at the example that Peter uses. Sarah. There is only one place where Sarah calls Abraham lord, and that is in Genesis 18. "So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, 'after I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?'" We often focus on Sarah's laughter and doubt. That, after all, is what God responds to. But Peter calls our attention to another aspect of the story, one that is often overlooked: Sarah's submission. Abraham had told Sarah to "Quick! Three seahs of fine flour! Knead it and make cakes." Drop everything and prepare a meal for my guests! Did she say, "I'm 90 years old, and I'm tired of entertaining every stranger that comes around"? No, the text suggests that she patiently submitted to this command. And even in the midst of her doubt and laughter, she referred to the man who had given her no children as "lord."

She had followed Abraham from their home in Ur of the Chaldeans. She had come to this Promised Land and had shared his faith in the Promised Seed, but now she was not sure. A barren woman, nearly 90 years old, she had tried every means possible to produce a son for Abraham. She had even given him her servant Hagar to bear a son. And the ease with which Hagar got pregnant made it appear all the more that SHE--Sarah--was the problem. We are not told all that passed through Sarah's mind, and I will not attempt to guess, but we are told that Sarah laughed at the thought of getting pregnant. This is not an ordinary case of barrenness. This is a failure to produce the Promised Seed, the child of the promise through whom the nations would be blessed. God's covenant hangs in the balance because she has not produced the heir.

And so in the midst of the fear and the doubt, Sarah's willingness to call Abraham, "my lord," becomes all the more remarkable. It does not appear that Sarah had any hope for herself. But she believed that God had given her this man, and since God had promised him a seed, she would hope in that God.

Peter says that Sarah was one of the holy women who hoped in God. She plainly did not hope in herself! Instead, she obeyed her husband, and did not give in to fear. And Peter turns to believing women today and says that "you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."

So, should you call your husband, "lord"? Peter doesn't say one way or the other. He doesn't say that you are Sarah's daughters if you call your husbands "lord." He says that you are her daughters if you do what is good. Don't be afraid. God is faithful. And as he blessed Sarah for her obedience in the midst of doubt, so he has promised that you will share in that blessing, if you conduct yourselves with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

What is this "gentle and quiet spirit" that God praises? There are some who take this to mean "doormat." Some women think that this means that the husband gets to do whatever he wants, and the wife just has to live with it. Some take the "quiet" too literally. Their husbands will never know what they really think, or really want because they are trying to be "quiet." Those that succeed at remaining quiet become the most miserable women on the earth. They watch their husbands and children disintegrate around them because they are trying to be submissive! Of course, some women only partly succeed. They manage to be quiet around their husband, but everyone else gets an ear-full! Women who have this "silent" mentality frequently blow up, either all at once, or from time to time. With all the pent-up emotion of bottling their feelings, it is no wonder that they explode. How often have you seen a fifty-year old woman, always considered a gentle spirit, gradually become a bitter old woman? Some would say that it was menopause, but I would suggest that menopause is simply the occasion for buried resentments to come out into the open.

So what should you do? If being loud and obnoxious is not an option, how can a Christian woman avoid building up resentment?

First, having a "gentle and quiet" spirit does not mean that a woman doesn't say anything. Rather, it describes how she says and does things. The Bible does not say that you should be quiet. It says that you should have a quiet spirit, a gentle way of saying things, which assumes that you are talking! Submission doesn't mean that you don't say anything! Submission doesn't mean that you're not part of the decision-making process! Submission with a gentle and quiet spirit means that you conduct yourself toward your husband with gentleness. It means that you don't nag and wheedle and manipulate. It means that you gently say your piece and don't over do it.

I am amazed at my wife. I think it's safe to say that she embodies this gentle and quiet spirit better than anyone I know. She is very good at correcting me. Usually when we correct others, we do so in order to get something we want. They're doing something that annoys us, and we want them to stop. Even when it is flagrant sin against God, we are still more concerned with "how it affects me" than with the glory of God. You can usually tell when a person is giving you a selfish rebuke. (It's only slightly more subtle than "but I had it first!") The "quiet and gentle" way to correct your husband is to be more concerned for him than you are for yourself. It means to think, "How can I present this in a way that he will be able to hear? Knowing my husband, he would be better able to understand what I'm saying if I tell him in this way..." In other words, you are not concerned with vindicating yourself; you are not primarily interested in making life easier for you. Rather, because your hope is in God, because you have been joined to your Savior Jesus Christ, your desire is simply that your husband would remember this as well.

There is a second way to improve on your quiet and gentle spirit, but you ladies have no control over this one: "Likewise, Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way."

Likewise? In a section talking about submission to authority, why does Peter include husbands, using the word "likewise"? (homoios) Peter does not say, "Likewise husbands submit to your wives." He is not a modern egalitarian. No, Peter is saying that a husband must have the same attitude toward his wife that she has toward him. If you are both exiles and sojourners, then you are both heirs together of the grace of life. You recognize that your wife also has an allegiance higher than you. You understand that she is not conscience-bound to obey you. She submits to you not because of anything in YOU, but because she has yielded her life to Christ. Therefore you must live with her in an understanding way; literally, "according to knowledge." You know who she is. She is a fellow-heir with Christ. The unbelieving husband mistreats his wife out of ignorance and folly. What's your excuse? She is an heir with you of the grace of life; therefore, treat her accordingly.

The same words that were spoken to the wife regarding "a quiet and gentle spirit" have their parallel here. Your concern cannot be for your own interests, your own advancement. In our world men often step on their wives in order to get ahead in their career. But if you are aliens and a sojourners here, then that must NOT happen among you. What are you trying to get ahead for? Many pastors have said that "living with your wife in an understanding way," or "according to knowledge" means that you must understand your wife's emotions and interests. That's good advice, and it's true as far as it goes, but it misses the point that Peter is making. You have to understand that your life together as husband and wife is about something far bigger than your own selfish agendas. You are heirs together of the grace of life. You have the great privilege of sharing together in the sufferings of Christ. To forget this is to hinder your prayers indeed! To treat your wife as anything less than a fellow heir of the kingdom of God, is to deny the power of the kingdom itself. And how on earth can you pray "thy kingdom come"--whether together or separately, it doesn't matter--when you have forgotten that your wife shares in the same grace of life that you do!

Copyright © 2003 Peter J. Wallace